my ethereal husband

my ethereal husband

i was in my early thirties when i became telepathic.  it was in 1978-9, at a time when psychiatrists almost universally regarded the experience of telepathy as hallucinatory, a symptom of psychosis, and they were the only authority.  the pagan revival was only just beginning overseas, had not started here in australia, and i had not yet heard of it, although i had read about findhorn, along with all the other ‘alternatives’ that were just becoming popular at the beginning of the new age.

it began with a two-fold episode, commencing in the highlands of new south wales, where i had gone to do primal therapy.  at the end of my treatment, with my psyche a-tremble with the new sensitivities and exciting emotional states resulting from the treatment, i stood looking at the land around the centre, and considered buying some. magnificent mountain scenery surrounded me, i drank each day from a pure, crystal stream edged with tree-ferns and bracken, and my neighbours would all be people i could relate to, people who were also reclaiming their repressed selves through the therapy.

as i stood by my tent gazing at the opposite mountain, bonding, indeed, with the she-oaks and bull-oaks that dominate those rainforests, i suddenly felt strangely stilled, and there was a consciousness of an aboriginal spirit, a woman, yet too great to call a woman, who had possession of my mind.  she enveloped me in unbounded love and then made me aware that the mallee, the dry, sparse, semi-arid woodlands of small, twiggy trees with few leaves, where i was born and partly raised, was calling me.

i didn’t know how to integrate this experience, so it dropped completely out of my mind until, several months later, i stood in the middle of a vast wilderness of unwanted, unserviced mallee scrub not far from the place i was born.  i loved it, and had decided to buy eighty acres of it; and i was casting a spell-bound gaze over the land when the same powerful influx of spirit-woman love took possession of me. she communicated to me telepathically that i was at the right place and she was overjoyed.

now the first part of that i could have ignored and/or repressed, but with the second part coming in on cue just like that, i had to believe it, and as i bonded with the land and made it my permanent place of residence it was confirmed and backed up by almost daily episodes of telepathic communication with the spirit people of the land.  my telepathy improved rapidly under their guidance, and soon i began also to see textures and forms in the air, the movements of near-invisible beings through the bushes and sometimes when i looked in the mirror the faces of my guides and teachers looked back at me. still later i began to be aware that they were talking to me and i began to hear brief snatches of what they said.

but aborigine faces weren’t the only faces appearing in my mirror. i was accustomed to seeing distortions of my own face when i’d had to much to drink, which i occasionally used to do when i was younger.  now these effects were appearing when i was stone cold sober, and they began to resemble the faces of people i’d known – school teachers from my childhood, friends from my adolescence, relations and family friends who had influenced me during my life. many of them still had something to say.

i became aware that someone was helping me to sort out my past, to settle old scores, finish years-long conversations and receive thanks, compliments and kindness and also curses, punishments and criticism, turning my past into a powerful and exciting resource and clearing my mind of distractions from the past.  perhaps it was the work of my own soul, my psyche, at least some of the time, but i was increasingly aware of other helpers too.

naturally, i was excited, and did what i could to enhance the experience. i built a pyramid and meditated in it. i purified my diet to include only organically grown wholefoods, and simplified my lifestyle to reduce distractions. i read less, socialised less and gave up newspapers, radio and tv almost completely. i cut down on socializing too. i gardened more and learned to farm with goats and hens. and i listened.

the aborigine spirit women were still the easiest to hear. they told me about the trees and bushes and animals, birds and reptiles surrounding me, which ones are witches, which ones are magical, which ones would heal me, and what it means that all of them are dreamings. i used to walk for hours in the scrub with only my sheltie dog for company, listening to the aborigines, talking to the herbs and bushes and trees, and occasionally hearing the voices of invisible people, loud, crisp and clear: ‘hey, white girl! get any rain?’

hans, though it scarcely does him justice

but the mirror’s fascination grew and i began to spend more time just looking at it, no longer satisfied to see my own face, willing it to show me who those ‘others’ were, because they thrilled me. faces came and went, some communicative, others not, and among them more and more often were faces of preternatural beauty, haloed sometimes and communicating with high-powered telepathy that was very different from the gentle thought transference of the aborigines.  in a second or two of intense rapport, i would receive a single large complex, text-rich communication that would then unwind itself in my mind over the course of a day or a week or more.

and suddenly one day in the midst of all this as the images came and went in my mirror, i saw the whole mirror blaze with a brilliant, dazzling light and  in the middle of it appeared a man’s face, which shape-shifted rapidly through a succession of ethereal male faces before settling on one more beautiful than anything i’d ever seen.  he smiled, and after telling me that he loved me, indicated that he wanted to marry me.  he didn’t waste time!

i was astounded.  for one thing, he made me feel as if i’d known him forever.  he showed me how he’d been my fantasy companion in my childhood and adolescence and that as i matured he’d guided me away from other relationships with men in order to prevent me from becoming too entangled in another personality to distinguish his guidance from theirs.  i had not yet read mircea eliade’s accounts of the ‘spiritual marriages’ common among pacific cultures, where young women are wooed and wedded by irresistibly handsome ethereal men, and i had no idea how such marriages could work.  but i could not doubt him; he was too real for that and besides, he cast a powerful spell over me that i could not resist and didn’t even want to try to.  in a word, i fell deeply and totally in love.

i had no name for him, and he invited me to choose one. i called him hans, which i thought rather cosmopolitan and suave, and he was pleased with that. before long he was my most frequent telepathic companion, showing me scenes from past lives in which he and i were together. he enabled me to see that we were working through the unfinished business from those lives.  he said there was a lot of clearing to do before our marriage could be comfortable, that there were battles to win, liberations to achieve and conflicts to resolve, and he warned me that it would take time.  meanwhile he helped me to understand the holographic nature of our planet, with her many concentric layers of reality, and encouraged me to see the one i inhabit with the expanded consciousness his enchantment had given me.

there was a wedding.  there were rituals.  i was seeing quite clearly my husband and several of his friends.  i was gifted with extra-clear telepathy and steady focus for the occasion.  the ceremonial lasted for several days and included questions and answers, verbal contests that went on for hours and involved much laughter and fun, and solemn exchanges of vows of love. it was powerfully bonding, and my whole being acquiesced.

sex was easy enough after all.  i would simply wake up during the night and find myself in my husband’s arms.  he was able to help me to lift my awareness to his ethereal world and i could sometimes glimpse his surroundings. i used to gaze into his eyes for whole minutes, just telling him what i could see, their sparkling iridescence and the perfect regularity of the lamina of his irises compared to those of people on this plane, or i’d capture his hand and be amazed at the beauty of it, his fine bones and the texture of his skin. he said he saw me as a blind and deaf wife he had to teach to see and hear, making it seem so poignant.

he enabled me to feel the conception of our first baby. my ethereal (light body) swelled in pregnancy, while my material body stayed thin. i experienced the growth of the baby within my being via a plethora of sensations, intricate communications and new knowledge, and was enthralled as this new being began to take shape.  the birth was surrounded with as much fuss and bother as earthly births are. my husband was present with some helpers and i was given again the clear telepathic focus i’d had at the wedding. i even felt the contractions in a distant sort of way, but more than that i felt the lifting from my soul of the whole pattern of my child’s being.  i felt exhilarated after the birth, when hans held the ethereal baby boy in his arms and asked me to name him.  i called him harmony, because i had listened to the splendour of his deva for nine months and i knew it was appropriate.

my daughter sukey was born a year later, and then justin, a feisty spirit, and then magical mag, named by my husband. but as hans had warned me, there was a lot of interference from other telepathic sources making it more and more difficult for me to accord with him.  he and his friends had exerted themselves psychically to permit these episodes of enhanced telepathic rapport artificially, by-passing my normal fear responses and keeping me entranced, and that could not be maintained.  there was a delayed reaction against it welling up in me and on top of that some of these outside sources had a legitimate claim on my attention and i had to let them prevail. he left me with a guide, a small, dark-haired man with a delightful smile, whom i thought was an angel.

among other things, he introduced me to the beings of the aerial plane, including certain species of fairies.  i had loved fairies wildly when i was a little girl, and the idea of them still delighted me.  as i worked in my garden i began to recall my childhood fairy experiences, to see that they had not been entirely fantasy, and to continue where these had left off. the fairies extended my psychic perceptions considerably, and enabled me to see them both with eyes open and psychically, with eyes closed, and become telepathically receptive them and also to the plant spirits, earth fairies, fauns and various devas they associate with, so as to understand their reality and incorporate them into my own.

later there were ghosts associated with our material plane. many of these were in pain, or enraged, but they were human and needed to be healed. hostile as some of them were, i was guided always to give them love and kindness.  during that time our eighty acres of wilderness became a sanctuary for homeless and other vulnerable ghosts, and still is.

and then there were my parents, old friends and relations, and people from the local community wanting to know what was happening. unknown to them, their souls had telepathic access to my mind and knew that something strange was happening to me. my not being available to commune with them had alarmed them and they tried to intervene. they saw me either as a victim of a potentially evil spirit, or as a tearaway who needed to be brought back. there was some bitter quarrelling among them over it, and they were often very officious, wanting to take me over to force me to return to their care.

it took enormous patience to deal with them.  i knew from hans and his friends that the way to clarity is through loving kindness and scrupulous truthfulness.  if i lost my temper, it always made things worse.  and i knew also that they really did mean to do the right thing.  but sometimes they overwhelmed me for long periods during which my access to hans was difficult and spasmodic. i saw them only as fleeting faces appearing in a corner of my mind as i meditated or dozed, and received their telepathy as i did that of the aborigines, with the ideas flowing at conversational speed, but without words.  this i believe is the astral plane, which stands between us and the ethereal level on which my husband lives.

my dark-haired guide stayed with me for a long while, showing me many things and teaching me how to respond to what i saw, until i was stabilized again in the old contexts of the material world.  he guided me through the maze of telepathy that animals use, my goats, dog, cats, and the wild birds and animals in the scrub, explaining the different levels of their awareness, and showing me how to communicate with them. he left me on the ground, with enhanced awareness, but only of my material surroundings now. sorely lamenting the distance from my husband and small children, whom i had played with and learned to see and hear a little, i took a long time to reorient myself.  i read once again, resumed my interrupted education off-campus, and began writing articles for self-sufficiency magazines.  i even tried to socialise, but not successfully, because i felt too estranged. i had too much on my mind that i could not speak of, and had lost touch with the world of work and play that my social contacts lived in.

hans had not deserted me, not by any means.  his spirit surrounded me always, and often i woke up in his arms and heard his voice in my ears, but then he’d vanish with the memories of my dreams.  days might pass when i would listen in vain for him, but never more than a few at a time.  more babies were born, free, trudy, wendy, raven, lily, dragon, eugene and ambrose, but these births were less vivid or me than the earlier ones, though much less stressful in the long run.

but patience pays off.  by the year 2000 most of the worst of it was over, some of the worst conflicts resolved, the battles won, the way cleared for better and better telepathy.  at the same time, the emerging paganisms meant that there were many people willing to listen to, consider and perhaps believe at least some of the things i had to say.  through the mists of my experience i began again to discern my children at play with me, wendy showing me the aborigine spirit children and their diminutive fairy peoples, lily showing me more fairies and the living souls of dolls, trudy and sukey explaining my soul to me, mag teaching me about light and colour and the nature of rainbows, my now grown-up son harmony introducing me to new aspects of shamanism and stalwart justin defending me against hostile forces and helping me through.

all my psychic abilities are now improving, and my husband is once again often clearly visible to me, standing among the orchard trees, glimpsed walking beside me in the scrub, or coming into my room like a ghost to talk to me and help me with my work.  i still have a lot of hard battles to fight, but the times are on my side and we human beings of the material plane are evolving rapidly to meet the needs of gaia, our planet.  these marriages between ethereal people and their material spouses are organic processes vital to our planet’s evolution.  the human species of the material world has evolved in near isolation for so long, suppressing all shamans and even whole shamanistic cultures while we did so.

now we have to recognise that we are just one of a large number of vital ‘organs’ of this planet which is more dynamically alive and much vaster and denser than can be imagined, with fold upon fold of reality yet to be discovered, and realities layered one on top of the other, seven deep.  we have to feel our way and sometimes fight our way towards viable interfaces with our astral, aerial, ethereal and other neighbours, and we have to recognise that we share our material plane with many beings who, due only to the narrowness of our normal sensoria, are invisible to most of us most of the time.  gaia sustains and protects my marriage with hans because it is part of the healing process that will reopen the channels of communication between our widely separated planes of existence, and that’s a process her own spiritual integrity depends upon.

if angels rejoice over every lost soul who returns to the path of righteousness, gaia’s rejoicing over one repaired and reactivated shaman, aboriginal, african, european or whatever, is at least as great.  the aborigine spirit people in-dwelling in the trees, stones and forms of the land are real, and they are replete with knowledge they long to share.  they teach that the landscape is alive and all life is ‘dreaming’, deep, mysterious and wise. the many kinds of fairies too are longing to show us their world and explain their wisdom to us.  the souls of people still living, active on the astral plane but centred in their bodies, and the souls of the dead who mingle with them, they have their teachings too.  what we do with our world affects the health of theirs and vice versa. there’s so much healing that can be done in all world when we all begin to understand each other through telepathy, clairaudience and ‘second sight’, that it seems inevitable that it must happen.  the first step is believing.

vyvyan ogma wyverne

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